Blended with Pain: Notorious Devils (Cash Bar Book 4) Read online

  The man turns his back on the woman’s lifeless body and begins to walk. The child follows without looking back down at the woman. We watch as he actually walks across the top of her body and falls in line, one step behind the man.

  “All the women and children,” Houston growls.

  I shake my head. My gut telling me that they can’t all be lost. We took those women and kids to shelters up north. Couldn’t we do the same here? Couldn’t we somehow try to save them? We don’t really have the time, or the manpower behind us this time around. Fuck. Fish took our van with all of our equipment in it, too.

  “Fish fucked us over,” I grumble. “This was supposed to be easy, in and out. This base was supposed to be a lot fucking smaller than it is, too.”

  Houston grunts at the same time Baby clears his throat. “I can’t kill all those kids. Don’t care if they’re tainted with this shit. I can’t do it.”

  I nod. “Me either,” I agree. “Whatever we do, we have to do it by end of day. We’re heading out of town tomorrow. Snake’s orders.”

  “Let’s come back at two in the morning. Sneak in this way,” Baby suggests, pointing toward the fencing right in front of us. So far, it doesn’t seem like this section of the compound is heavily guarded, much like the back section of Canada’s compound.

  Clearing my throat, I lift my chin. “If it’s anything like Canada, the kids are somewhere together in a secure building. We’ll get as many as we can. Let’s rent a van from town, we’ll transport as many as we can to Austin. Drop them off at a fire station or some shit, then get the fuck out of town,” I suggest.

  “Fuck, I hope we don’t get ourselves killed during this shit,” Houston grumbles.

  I smirk. “We won’t, we’re like fuckin’ cats, nine goddamn lives. Now let’s get all the shit to torch this place. Spread out, don’t get any of it here in town. I have something to handle this afternoon. We’ll meet back at the hotel at midnight before we head out.”

  Baby frowns as he looks at me. “What could you possibly have to handle here?” he asks.

  I debate not telling him, but I don’t have anything to hide, not from them. They’re supposed to be my brothers now. Plus, if what I think is going to be the outcome today actually is, we’re all going to have some extra company on the ride home tomorrow.

  “The girl in the restaurant,” I say, clearing my throat. “Her sister, my ex, she died. I did a little digging because I knew she was hiding something. She has a kid who looks a fuck’ve a lot like me. I’m going to see what the fuck is going on.”

  Houston’s eyes widen, and Baby lets out a hissed curse. “You need us to go with you, as backup?” Baby asks.

  Shaking my head, I ball my hand into a fist and place it at my hip before I spit. “Nah, you guys go and handle the firepower. I’ll handle Carson,” I grumble.

  We split up with a promise to meet at the hotel at midnight. Leaving the dead girl in the field, and the compound, we head the hour back to town. Once we’re at a crossroads, Baby takes off in one direction, and Houston and I head toward Marble Falls.

  I wave him off when I find the turn toward the street behind the café where Carson said she lived. Lifting my hand, I give Houston a two-fingered wave and turn my bike. Once I’m behind the restaurant, I make my way through the parking lot, then across the street until I’m where Carson said her house was located.

  The houses on the street are older and small but their yards plentiful and spread out. It’s a nice neighborhood, quaint, quiet. I count the houses until I come to the third house on the left, then I pull into the gravel driveway. Maybe I shouldn’t pull into the drive, but I’m not really someone who gives much of a fuck about niceties like that.

  Dropping my bike’s stand down, I kill the engine and quickly glance around. There’s a curvy dark-haired woman on her front porch, a long neck bottle in her hand, with her eyes on me. I give her a small wave, and I swear I see her eyes narrow on me, never looking away.

  Once I’m in front of Carson’s, I knock. Immediately, I hear a little boy’s voice inside and my heart rate picks up. The door swings open and I look down into eyes that mirror my own.

  “Axe, I told you to not answer that door without me,” Carson’s voice echoes as she appears behind the blond haired, blue-eyed boy.

  I can’t take my gaze off of him. He’s mine. I know it without even asking.

  “Hello, sir,” the little voice greets, a little twang of a Texas accent.

  Carson’s throat clears, and only then do I lift my gaze up to hers. She has tears flowing down her cheeks and she nods as her plump lips tremble. That is the only true confirmation I need. This boy, he’s mine. But fucking how?

  CARSON

  HE KNOWS JUST by looking at Axe. He knows that he’s his father. Without a word, he pushes through the front door, and I close it behind him. Axe looks from me to him, then back to me before he runs over and wraps his arms around my legs.

  “I’m sorry, Ace. I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

  He sits down on my small blue sofa, a hand-me-down from when Roxie moved in with Tim next door. He makes the sofa look miniature. He makes my entire one-bedroom house look microscopic. He completely fills it, all of him is bigger than this space and his emotions cause me to choke, they also fill the room.

  “CarCar?” Axe asks.

  He tilts his head back and looks up to me. “Umm,” I don’t know what to say.

  Axe obviously has questions. He’s known that he has a father, somewhere. He knows his mother is in heaven with the angels. He knows I’m his aunt. What he doesn’t know is that the man in front of him is his father. I don’t know how to explain it.

  “Hey little man,” Ace says, keeping his voice soft, breaking the tension.

  Axe tilts his head to the side, taking one single step away from my legs. “Hey,” he whispers.

  “You know who I am?” he asks, his voice now hoarse with emotion.

  My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. He should know exactly who Ace is. He should have been with him this entire time, but my fucking sister, then me and my weaknesses. I didn’t know what to do. I was stupid—I am stupid. I should have made this right a long damn time ago.

  “You my daddy?” he guesses.

  Ace looks up and sucks in a breath. Then he shifts his focus back down to Axe. “I am, buddy,” he rasps.

  Axe doesn’t hesitate a second longer. He runs away from me and leaps into his arms. Ace wraps his huge hands around him. He pulls him close and I watch as he buries his face in Axe’s neck inhaling deeply, smelling his little boy scent.

  Tears continue to fall, and a sob escapes my throat. It’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. Father and son, together, finally as they always should have been. “Ace,” I breathe, unsure of what else I’m going to say, but needing to break the silence that is deafening.

  “We’ll talk when he goes to sleep, Carson,” he sneers.

  I drop my head feeling sad, defeated, deflated. I deserve it though, I deserve every bit of his anger. I take a few steps back, pressing my back up against the wall as I watch them. Ace talks softly to Axe, he asks him what he’s interested in and that’s when Axe shines. He opens up to his father, pulling out all of his little ninety-nine cent Matchbox cars that I’ve bought him over the years. They’re his favorite toys, and thankfully I’m able to afford one every time I go into Walmart.

  After about an hour of watching them, I decide to make my way into the small kitchen to make dinner. I didn’t know when Ace would show, so I made sure to have enough food for at least one meal for the three of us.

  Getting to work, I take out all of the ingredients. I decided on tacos with fresh tortillas from the local grocery store. It’s one of the things I love about Texas, the food is amazing. Taking the ground beef out of the fridge, I dump it into the pan, then brown it with seasoning.

  Once the meat is cooking, I chop up the tomato, onion, and avocado. One thing I remember about Ace was his love for avocados, som
ething Axe inherited from his father. Next, I grate the cheese, and then put all of the condiments on a plate, arranging them nicely.

  I set up the small kitchen table, another hand-me-down from Roxie. Slowly, I then make my way back into the living room. Ace is sitting on the floor, his legs crossed as he talks softly to Axe. They smile toward one another and then Axe giggles, and throws his arms around Ace’s neck.

  “It’s time for dinner,” I call out.

  They both freeze, then turn back to me. “Already?” Ace asks.

  I nod. “Yeah, Axe goes to bed around seven. He eats early. Sorry, but you don’t have to eat anything unless you want to, there’s plenty,” I shrug.

  They both stand and Axe runs toward the table, taking his normal place and wiggling in his seat with excitement. “Tacos,” Ace chuckles.

  “Wif abacados,” Axe announces.

  “Yeah,” Ace rasps as he takes a seat.

  Biting the corner of my lip I look from the fridge to Ace. “I don’t have any beer. I only have milk and water,” I murmur.

  “Water, babe,” he says.

  Nodding, I grab two glasses and one plastic cup. I fill our mason jars with water, then put a small amount of milk in the plastic cup, bringing them over to the table. Slowly, I sink down into my chair and look from the food to Axe. He’s making his taco, whispering to himself, his little tongue peeking out as he concentrates.

  “Let’s eat, Carson, we’ll talk later,” Ace repeats. I let out the breath I was holding, nodding then reaching for my own fresh tortilla.

  Once my two tacos are made, I pick one up and nibble on the end. I can’t help but watch as Ace makes his own. He starts out with four tortillas and my eyes widen when he dumps most of the meat in them, then adds every topping including avocados.

  I don’t think I estimated enough meat for this meal, I’m feeling guilty, my stomach flip-flopping at the idea that I didn’t make enough food. I hope he doesn’t think that I can’t provide for Axe, or that I haven’t been providing for him, I’ve been working so hard to give him a good life.

  “Fuck.” My head flies up and his eyes round. “I mean, shit. Uh I mean, this is really good, Carson,” he fumbles.

  Axe doesn’t notice he’s too busy moaning as he shoves bite after bite in his mouth. “Thanks, Ace,” I whisper.

  “Keys,” he grunts. I frown, my brows furrowing at his word. “Keys is my road name. I’m in an MC. Nobody even knows my real name, anymore,” he shrugs.

  “Oh,” I breathe, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. “Is that what you want me to call you now?” I ask.

  It’s his turn to frown, and he rubs his chin. “Maybe. No. I don’t know,” he mumbles. “I like the way you say my name,” he admits.

  My cheeks turn hot and I feel that flush of desire rush through me that always did when he was around. He was always Sadie’s boyfriend, but he has been hot since the second I met him. I can’t stop my body from reacting to him—no woman could.

  Ace winks, taking another big bite of food. Thankfully he doesn’t mention my flushed face or my obvious attraction. We spend the next hour eating and chatting, all about Axe. He is the center of our conversation and I like it. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen when Axe goes to bed, but for now, I try not to think about it as I enjoy a real family dinner, the first family dinner I’ve ever really had.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CARSON

  I CLEAN UP THE KITCHEN, then put Axe to bed. He demands a bedtime story from Ace before he’ll go to sleep. Ace is more than happy to deliver, so I stand in the doorway and watch as a father reads his son a bedtime story for the first time.

  Axe’s eyes grow heavy, his day much more exciting than he probably ever imagined. Once he’s asleep, only then does Ace stand. He turns toward me and quietly walks out of the bedroom, he closes the door until it’s only open a crack.

  Ace’s eyes meet mine and they are full of fury. “Outside,” he growls.

  I watch as he stomps toward my back door, walking through and into the yard without hesitation. I suck in a deep breath, letting out a long exhale before I follow behind him. Once I’m out in the heat of the Texas evening air, I glance toward Roxanne’s house. I see her porch light on and then find her sitting in her rocking chair, her eyes and body facing us. I almost smile, thinking of my friend.

  “What the fuck, Carson?” he asks, his voice eerily cool and calm.

  I push my toe into the dirt, as I stare at the way the dirt moves around. I don’t know what to say. Nothing I could come up with would make this situation right. Maybe I’ll finally be free of the guilt that’s consumed me for almost five years.

  “He’s mine, and you never told me,” he rasps.

  Lifting my gaze to his, tears fill my eyes. “I begged Sadie to call you, to at least tell you when she found out she was pregnant,” I breathe. “She refused. When he was born, I begged again. She told me it didn’t matter. I knew it did, I knew you’d want to know. Then when he was a month old, she died, OD’d on fucking meth. I found her. Axe was screaming in his crib and she was dead. I didn’t know what to do.”

  Ace growls, closing the distance between us and he looks down at me. He seems gigantic, intimidating, terrifying as he stares down at me with nothing but complete anger in his face. If humans could breathe fire, he would be right now, all over me, charring me to a fucking crisp.

  “It’s been four years since she’s been gone, Carson,” he barks harshly.

  I jump from his anger and he must think that I’m going to run away because he wraps both hands tightly around my biceps, giving me a single, but intense shake. My lips tremble and I try to speak, to tell him that I called once, but it doesn’t come out fast enough. I want to tell him about the girl calling him, baby, about the fact that I’d thought he’d moved on, but he starts to shake me harder, my head flopping around like a ragdoll.

  “Hey, you let her go,” Roxie shouts from her back patio.

  Ace’s grip tightens on my arms and I whimper. “Shut the fuck up, bitch,” he roars.

  Roxanne takes a step back, then she charges toward us. Thank God for the houses being old and the yards being open. Although I’m not sure that Roxanne can stand up to the mountain of a man that is, Ace right now.

  “Ace, you’re hurting me,” I say, trying to keep him from lashing out at Roxanne, or me, anymore.

  His focus turns back to me and he doesn’t release my arms, his thunderous gaze stares down, sending a chill of fear up my spine. “You had four fucking years, Carson. What is your goddamn excuse for that shit?” he demands through clenched teeth.

  “I have no excuse, none. I was just trying to survive, Ace. I was nineteen, scared and alone with a newborn,” I ramble through my tears. What’s the point in telling him everything? It won’t ease his pain or his anger.

  Roxanne reaches up and grabs ahold of his arm, trying to pull him away from me. It doesn’t work, he’s too fucking angry, too fucking strong. He releases my arm only to press his hand to the center of her chest and push her away. She stumbles back, but he doesn’t push her hard enough to fall down.

  “Pack his shit, pack your shit, we leave first thing tomorrow morning,” he growls.

  He then pushes me away, unfortunately, he’s not as gentle with me as he was with Roxanne and I end up landing on my ass, my legs sprawled out in front of me.

  Roxanne crouches down next to me within seconds. “You don’t know everything, Ace. If you did, maybe you wouldn’t be such a fucking dick to her,” she spews.

  He shakes his head, balling his fist and placing it on his hip. “I don’t need to know it, bitch. What I know is Carson knew where to find me, how to get ahold of me and she didn’t. What I know is she kept my kid from me for four goddamn years. Pack up your fucking shit, be ready to go at eight in the morning, we’re leaving.”

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  Ace looks down at me and a smirk appears on his lips. “Canada.”

  I replay the word
in my head, and when he attempts to walk by, I grab ahold of his ankle. “We don’t have passports, and I can’t just leave for an undetermined amount of time to another country. I have a job, I have responsibilities.” I already know that I’ll never be able to pay rent without working every day, money doesn’t just magically appear in my checking account.

  He barks out a harsh laugh, then spits on the dirt. I hold my breath when he leans over slightly. “Your job is at a fucking diner. You owe rent, and nothing else as a responsibility.” He looks over to Roxanne and then to me. “You won’t be coming back. Pack what you want in your car. Everything else can rot.”

  He walks away without a second glance back at us. I stay on the ground, my ass planted in the dirt and I cry. Roxanne sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around my body and she holds me while I do. “I wish I could have helped more,” she whispers after a few minutes.

  I shake my head. “It’s all my fault, he’s right, I should have told him all those years ago.”

  She squeezes me in her arms. “He had no reason to grab you and push you like that, Carson. None, no matter how mad he is,” she says through gritted teeth.

  I nod. “I kept his child from him for four years, Roxie. I don’t think he even knew what he was doing. He’s angry, bitter, and just plain fucking mad. And he has every right to be.”

  “Are you going with him?” she asks.

  I shrug, my answer clear, my mind made up, but my mouth isn’t ready to say it yet. “I’ll be at your place with my bag at seven-thirty,” she states.

  Watching as she stands, I reach out for her offered palm and she helps me up as well. “What are you saying?”

  She snorts. “Tim fucks every nasty broad in town. I told him I needed him home tonight for this and he told me to fuck off. I’m done with him. I think Canada sounds just fucking peachy,” she winks.

  My mouth hangs open as I watch the sway of her hips as she walks away. “Roxie,” I call out. She turns her head to look over her shoulder at me. “I can’t ask you. I don’t know what I’m going into when I leave here. I don’t know what is going to happen,” I whisper.